Even in the midst of the Holiday Cheer, We Need Community Care like never before

The trees are going up, the cookies are baking, and the busyness of the holiday season is settling in. Although we may find ourselves gearing up for the holiday festivities, this time of the year can and will be challenging for others, especially if you are missing a loved one. As I reflect on various events that have unfolded this year, I am reminded that the holidays require a particular level of care for those who are navigating the complexities of their lived experiences in this season. I for one have been trying to place words to my emotions this season and most recently have been reflecting on the loss of tWitch. When I received the message from a close girlfriend that Stephen “tWitch” Boss died by suicide last Wednesday, I dropped my phone. I was in a complete state of shock and disbelief that someone who brought so much joy to the world was no longer with us. That the bright light and radiance tWitch and his wife Allison brought into our lives most especially during the darkest days of the pandemic, was snuffed out like a candle. To be honest, it's even hard for me to think of him as past tense- as in he no longer exists. There is something to be said when a person’s life exudes so much joy and happiness and freely shares it with the world, that makes it unimaginable for them to be gone. I think that is what makes his passing seem so unreal, and in a lot of ways completely unbearable. Just like others, I had no direct connection to tWitch but I too benefited from the upbeat two-step, the jovial banter, and the caring disposition he seemed to display for the world to see. To me, he was the epitome of Black Boy Joy during a time when we needed to see possibility models of how Black joy could be used as an act of resistance through the racial justice movements and socio-political unrest, we have seen accelerate these past couple of years. His countenance tapped into a level of existence to signal to all that we would be alright despite the turmoil and pain we are experiencing. And although to the outward world he appeared to be alright, there was a much deeper internal battle rapidly unfolding that was hidden from the natural eye.  

I am coming to realize that when someone dies by suicide, there is a pain deep on the inside that appears to be uncurable, in fact, unsustainable for life. And now as I scroll through my social media feeds, I see posts with sentiments of “check on your strong friends” and “you never know what someone is going through”. To this end, I find myself pausing at this moment to ask myself this series of questions: After such a tragic loss, will people’s behaviors actually change? Will we stop the daily grind and churn to take the time to look deeply at those around us and check in? Can we resist the urge to rush to the next thing and instead make time for deep and meaningful conversations? Are we willing to give ourselves permission to get in touch with our emotions and acknowledge the overwhelming sadness and grief that has flooded us like a broken firehose all year long? Will we give ourselves the permission to feel? I ask these questions because to do what so many are advocating for, we must stop running at a machine-level pace and actually sow the seeds of time and care into the community around us. There must be a resistance to not gloss over the grief we feel right now. We must acknowledge that the pain being felt around the world is simply too much. The sadness, the trauma, the grief- it’s been too much for a long time. Our lived experiences in this moment warrant a different response and we cannot continue to brush our emotions into a side closet in our minds and shut the door. We have to feel....and we MUST act. I keep coming back to this thought now that tWitch is no longer with us- In what ways can we build safe spaces where people can let us know they are struggling and are not doing ok? How do we open portals of love where there is space for everybody to show up authentically? How can we establish communities of care where we can truly build in the foundations we need to advocate and support each other? How can community care be an impetus for change in this busy, chaotic, cold, and uncaring world that prefaces individualism and not the collective? I don’t have the answers, but I do know this- we as a society are NOT ok. To be frank, we are all grieving, and this is not the moment to rush back to normal even in the midst of a season where there is this perception we should all be having holiday cheer. My prayers are that we all find ways to connect to each other and see each other in the days ahead when it feels so easy to feel forgotten. My deepest condolences and love are with the family and friends of Stephen “tWitch” Boss. May we take the time to reflect, heal, and dream of a safer, caring, and more humane way forward. 

***If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide, they should not be left alone. Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. The Lifeline provides free, confidential support for people in crisis or emotional distress, 24/7 year-round. The Lifeline also offers an online chat for people who prefer to reach out online rather than by phone.